INTENSITY MARKERS:
[M] = Fard / Wajib (Obligatory — must do)  |  [1] = Sunnah Mu'akkadah / Highly Recommended  |  [2] = Sunnah / Recommended  |  [3] = Mustahab / Virtuous / Commendable  |  [H] = Haram (Forbidden — must not do)  |  [h] = Makruh (Discouraged — should not do)  |  [P] = Mubah (Permissible — neutral)

✅ What to Do

(extra):
[1]Announce marriage publicly with a walimah. (Tirmidhi 1088)
[1]Be intimate with du'a before intercourse. (Bukhari 141)
[1]Be just if you have more than one wife (though it is very difficult). (Qur'an 4:129)
[1]Be the primary provider (qawwam) — food, clothing, shelter, medical.
[1]Choose spouse based on piety first. (Bukhari 5090)
[1]Consult your wife in family matters — the Prophet consulted his wives. (Bukhari 411)
[2]Help with household chores — the Prophet helped his family. (Bukhari 676)
[2]Play and joke with your spouse — the Prophet raced Aisha RA. (Abu Dawud 2578)
[2]Teach your spouse Islamic knowledge patiently.
[3]Control desires and seek refuge from temptation (Quran 12:24; Bukhari 3390) [bg:Revealed in Mecca as 'the best of stories' (ahsan al-qasas) — the complete narrative of Prophet Yusuf. Revealed when the Quraysh tested the Prophet by asking about the story of Yusuf (as suggested by the Jewish rabbis). The surah consoles the Prophet and the Believers who faced persecution from their own families. Revealed in Mecca relating the story of Yusuf (Joseph) when the wife of al-Aziz (Zulaykha) seduced him.]
[3]Recite the Qur'an together as a family.
[M]Be mindful of Allah in solitude (secret devotion) (Quran 19:3; Bukhari 3496) [bg:Revealed in Mecca recounting the stories of Zachariah, John the Baptist, Mary, Jesus, Abraham, Moses, Ishmael, and Idris. Revealed when the Quraysh delegation to the Christian king of Abyssinia (Negus) asked the Muslims about Jesus — the surah's account of Jesus's birth confirmed his prophethood while negating his divinity, leading the Negus to protect the Muslim refugees. Revealed in Mecca describing Zakariyya's secret supplication to his Lord when he grew old and his wife was barren, yet he longed for an heir to continue his prophetic legacy.]
[M]Feed and clothe your wife fairly according to your means. (Qur'an 65:7)
[M]Give inheritance according to prescribed shares (Quran 4:7-12,4:176; Bukhari 4578) [bg:Revealed after the Battle of Uhud (3-4 AH) to legislate women's rights, inheritance laws, marriage regulations, and family justice — reforming the pre-Islamic system that denied women inheritance and treated them as property. Addresses community solidarity and justice for vulnerable members. Revealed in Medina (3 AH) after the Battle of Uhud when the wives and children of the martyrs were left without inheritance under the pre-Islamic system that gave all wealth to adult male relatives. The ayah was revealed establishing the Islamic law of inheritance (fara'id) with fixed shares for women (daughters, wives, mothers), children, and spouses — a radical reform giving women independent property rights for the first time in Arabian history. The specific shares were revealed as a direct divine command, not subject to human modification.]
[M]Give the mahr (dowry) — wife's exclusive right. (Qur'an 4:4)
[M]It is not for a believer, man or woman, to have choice when Allah/His Messenger decide — Obey Allah and His Messenger unconditionally (Quran 33:36; Bukhari 7269) [bg:Revealed in Medina (5-7 AH) concerning the Battle of the Trench (al-Ahzab) in 5 AH when the confederate tribes besieged Medina. The surah establishes the Prophet's marriage to Zaynab bint Jahsh to abolish the pre-Islamic adoption system, commands the hijab for the Prophet's wives, and refutes the hypocrites who fled from battle. Revealed in Medina around 5-7 AH when Zaynab bint Jahsh (the Prophet's cousin) was first offered in marriage to Zayd ibn Harithah (the Prophet's freed slave), and she and her brother hesitated because of the social disparity.]
[M]Live with them in kindness — Treat women with kindness and justice (Quran 4:19; Bukhari 5185) [bg:Revealed after the Battle of Uhud (3-4 AH) to legislate women's rights, inheritance laws, marriage regulations, and family justice — reforming the pre-Islamic system that denied women inheritance and treated them as property. Addresses community solidarity and justice for vulnerable members. Revealed in Medina reforming pre-Islamic Arabian marriage practices where women were treated as property.]
[M]O believers, fear Allah and speak right words — Speak the truth and say the right word (Quran 33:70-71; Bukhari 6092) [bg:Revealed in Medina (5-7 AH) concerning the Battle of the Trench (al-Ahzab) in 5 AH when the confederate tribes besieged Medina. The surah establishes the Prophet's marriage to Zaynab bint Jahsh to abolish the pre-Islamic adoption system, commands the hijab for the Prophet's wives, and refutes the hypocrites who fled from battle. Revealed in Medina (5 AH) commanding: 'O you who believe, fear Allah and speak the right word (qawl sadid) — He will amend your deeds and forgive your sins.' This was revealed when some Muslims were using ambiguous or deceitful speech in negotiations with the hypocrites and Jews of Medina.]
[M]Treat spouse with kindness and mercy. (Qur'an 4:19)
[M]Whoever fears Allah, He will make a way out and provide from where they do not expect — Fear Allah in divorce and family matters (Quran 65:2-3; Bukhari 5258) [bg:Revealed in Medina (6-7 AH) concerning the rules of divorce (talaq) and the waiting period (iddah). The surah commands husbands to pronounce divorce properly, count the iddah, and provide housing for divorced wives. The story of the Prophet's temporary divorce of Hafsah prompted clarification of divorce procedures. Revealed in Medina as a continuation of the divorce regulations, instructing that when the waiting period ('iddah) approaches its end, either retain wives honorably or separate kindly, with just witnesses, for Allah. The ayah promises that whoever fears Allah will be given a way out and provided from sources they could never imagine, giving hope and encouraging righteousness.]

🚫 What Not to Do

(extra):
[H]Abuse your spouse physically, verbally, or emotionally.
[H]Hit, slap, or physically abuse your spouse.
[H]Marry for beauty/wealth alone ignoring deen.
[H]Marry with intention to divorce after a period.
[H]May the hands of Abu Lahab be ruined — Oppose the Prophet and his message (Quran 111:1-5) [bg:An early Meccan surah concerning Abu Lahab (the Prophet's uncle) and his wife Umm Jamil. When the Prophet declared his prophethood on Mount Safa and called his relatives, Abu Lahab cursed him. The surah declares that Abu Lahab's wealth and status will not save him — he will burn in a fire of flames, with his wife carrying firewood (thorns). Revealed in the early Meccan period concerning Abu Lahab (the Prophet's uncle, 'Abd al-Uzza ibn Abd al-Muttalib) and his wife Umm Jamil. When the Prophet declared his prophethood on Mount Safa and called his relatives, Abu Lahab cursed him saying 'May you perish!' — and this surah was revealed in response, declaring that Abu Lahab and his wife will perish and enter a fire of flames, with his wife carrying firewood (thorns she used to scatter in the Prophet's path).]
[H]Reveal intimate details. (Muslim 1437)
[H]Those who devour orphans' wealth unjustly — Unlawfully consume orphans' wealth (Quran 4:10; Bukhari 2408) [bg:Revealed after the Battle of Uhud (3-4 AH) to legislate women's rights, inheritance laws, marriage regulations, and family justice — reforming the pre-Islamic system that denied women inheritance and treated them as property. Addresses community solidarity and justice for vulnerable members. Revealed in Medina after the Battle of Uhud when some guardians were misusing the property of orphans in their care. The ayah delivers a severe warning: those who consume orphan wealth unjustly are consuming fire into their bellies and will be burned in Hellfire — one of the sternest warnings in the Quran regarding financial ethics.]
[H]Use wealth and status to fight Islam (Quran 111:1-2) [bg:An early Meccan surah concerning Abu Lahab (the Prophet's uncle) and his wife Umm Jamil. When the Prophet declared his prophethood on Mount Safa and called his relatives, Abu Lahab cursed him. The surah declares that Abu Lahab's wealth and status will not save him — he will burn in a fire of flames, with his wife carrying firewood (thorns). Revealed in Mecca about Abu Lahab ('Abd al-Uzza ibn 'Abd al-Muttalib), the Prophet's uncle, who used his wealth and tribal influence to oppose Islam. When the Prophet called his clan to Islam on Mount Safa, Abu Lahab cursed him saying: 'May you perish!' His wife Umm Jamil would scatter thorns in the Prophet's path.]
[H]Whoever kills a believer intentionally — Murder believers unlawfully (Quran 4:93; Bukhari 6865) [bg:Revealed after the Battle of Uhud (3-4 AH) to legislate women's rights, inheritance laws, marriage regulations, and family justice — reforming the pre-Islamic system that denied women inheritance and treated them as property. Addresses community solidarity and justice for vulnerable members. Revealed in Medina in response to the incident of a man who killed a Believer intentionally and then came to the Prophet expressing remorse. The ayah delivered the most severe possible warning: the punishment for intentional murder of a Believer is eternal Hell, establishing the absolute sanctity of a Believer's life with no forgiveness unless the victim's family accepts diyah.]
[h]Delay marriage when you have the means and desire.
[h]Get married without the woman's guardian. (Abu Dawud 2085)
[h]House them where you live, according to your means — Seek reconciliation before finalizing divorce (Quran 65:6; Bukhari 5258) [bg:Revealed in Medina (6-7 AH) concerning the rules of divorce (talaq) and the waiting period (iddah). The surah commands husbands to pronounce divorce properly, count the iddah, and provide housing for divorced wives. The story of the Prophet's temporary divorce of Hafsah prompted clarification of divorce procedures. Revealed in Medina commanding that divorced women should be housed during the 'iddah period in the same home as the husband, according to his means, and not be made to suffer to force them out. If they are nursing, the husband must provide for them, and if there is disagreement about weaning, a wet nurse should be hired.]
[h]May the hands of Abu Lahab be ruined — Avoid arrogance and opposition to truth (Quran 111:1-5) [bg:An early Meccan surah concerning Abu Lahab (the Prophet's uncle) and his wife Umm Jamil. When the Prophet declared his prophethood on Mount Safa and called his relatives, Abu Lahab cursed him. The surah declares that Abu Lahab's wealth and status will not save him — he will burn in a fire of flames, with his wife carrying firewood (thorns). Revealed in the early Meccan period concerning Abu Lahab (the Prophet's uncle, 'Abd al-Uzza ibn Abd al-Muttalib) and his wife Umm Jamil. When the Prophet declared his prophethood on Mount Safa and called his relatives, Abu Lahab cursed him saying 'May you perish!' — and this surah was revealed in response, declaring that Abu Lahab and his wife will perish and enter a fire of flames, with his wife carrying firewood (thorns she used to scatter in the Prophet's path).]
[h]Spend all time with friends and neglect the family.
[h]When you divorce women, divorce them at the beginning of their waiting period — Expel divorced women during 'iddah (Quran 65:1; Muslim 1471) [bg:Revealed in Medina (6-7 AH) concerning the rules of divorce (talaq) and the waiting period (iddah). The surah commands husbands to pronounce divorce properly, count the iddah, and provide housing for divorced wives. The story of the Prophet's temporary divorce of Hafsah prompted clarification of divorce procedures. Revealed in Medina regulating divorce (talaq) — addressing the pre-Islamic practice where men could divorce their wives arbitrarily and take them back indefinitely.]
[h]Withhold mahr or delay it without need.

⭐ As You Wish

[P]Adopt etiquette of seeking permission in private matters (Quran 33:53; Bukhari 4787) [bg:Revealed in Medina (5-7 AH) concerning the Battle of the Trench (al-Ahzab) in 5 AH when the confederate tribes besieged Medina. The surah establishes the Prophet's marriage to Zaynab bint Jahsh to abolish the pre-Islamic adoption system, commands the hijab for the Prophet's wives, and refutes the hypocrites who fled from battle. Revealed in Medina (5 AH) establishing rules of etiquette for visiting the Prophet's house: do not enter without permission, do not stay too long, do not bother the Prophet, and speak to his wives from behind a screen (hijab). This was revealed after the wedding of the Prophet to Zaynab bint Jahsh when some guests lingered too long after the meal.]
[P]Enjoy lawful pleasures of marriage and family (Quran 52:20-21; Bukhari 3246) [bg:Revealed in Mecca swearing by Mount Tur (Sinai) and the Book inscribed, asserting that the Day of Judgment is inevitable. The surah describes the delights of Paradise and the punishment of Hell, challenging the Quraysh to produce a revelation like the Quran if they claim it is invented. Revealed in Mecca describing Paradise: 'They will recline on arranged couches, and We will marry them to beautiful-eyed maidens (hur 'in).' The ayah continues: 'And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith — We will join their descendants with them.' This establishes that enjoying the lawful pleasures of marriage and family — in this world as a foretaste of Paradise — is permissible and blessed, with the promise that righteous families will be reunited in the Hereafter.]
[P]Marry what seems good to you: two, three, or four — Polygyny up to four with condition of justice (Quran 4:3; Bukhari 5112) [bg:Revealed after the Battle of Uhud (3-4 AH) to legislate women's rights, inheritance laws, marriage regulations, and family justice — reforming the pre-Islamic system that denied women inheritance and treated them as property. Addresses community solidarity and justice for vulnerable members. Revealed after the Battle of Uhud (3 AH) when many Muslim men were martyred, leaving numerous orphans and widows. The guardians of orphan girls were tempted to marry them for their property without giving proper dower.]
[P]Reflect on Allah's signs in creation and diversity (Quran 30:20-27; Bukhari 4561) [bg:Revealed in Mecca prophesying the victory of the Byzantines (Romans) over the Persians within a few years — a prophecy fulfilled at the Battle of Issus (622 CE). The surah calls to reflect on Allah's signs in creation and warns that the disbelievers will be raised from their graves on the Day of Judgment. Revealed in Mecca calling attention to Allah's signs: creating humans from dust, the creation of spouses for tranquility, the creation of heavens and earth, diversity of languages and colors, sleep as a sign, rain reviving dead land.]
[P]When believing women come to you as emigrants, test them — Marry believing women from People of the Book (Quran 60:10; Bukhari 4885) [bg:Revealed in Medina (8 AH) after the Treaty of Hudaybiyyah and before the Conquest of Makkah, concerning relations with those who oppose the Muslims. The surah was revealed when Hatib ibn Abi Balta'ah sent a letter to the Quraysh warning them of the planned Muslim attack on Makkah. Establishes loyalty boundaries and justice toward peaceful non-Muslims. Revealed in Medina around 8 AH after the Treaty of Hudaybiyyah (6 AH) when women from Makkah began migrating to Medina and the Quraysh demanded them back under the terms of the treaty. The ayah instructs the Prophet to test the faith of emigrant women, and if they are genuine believers, not to return them to their disbelieving husbands, while compensating the husbands.]
[P]When you divorce women, divorce them at the beginning of their waiting period — Observe 'Iddah (waiting period) after divorce (Quran 65:1-4; Bukhari 5258) [bg:Revealed in Medina (6-7 AH) concerning the rules of divorce (talaq) and the waiting period (iddah). The surah commands husbands to pronounce divorce properly, count the iddah, and provide housing for divorced wives. The story of the Prophet's temporary divorce of Hafsah prompted clarification of divorce procedures. Revealed in Medina (6-7 AH) after the Prophet divorced Hafsah temporarily, and the question of divorce procedures arose.]
— Choose mahr amount — can be small or large.
— Include conditions in the contract that do not contradict Islam.

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